Saturday, 29 March 2014

What do you owe your parents?

"Parents are like God, because you wanna know they're out there, and you want them to think well of you but you really only call when you need something."
                                                                                                                                                                                    -Chuck Palahniuk



I have been pondering about writing darker pieces, for a while now and I have decided firmly that I will...because my readers ought to know what I think. There will surely be some who will loathe me and I will earn the hateful stares of the few I offend, but I feel I've got to do justice to my blog. So, brace yourself, dear readers...
I start now.
I  have encountered in the past, people who believe that they owe their parents everything, and that was exactly what I thought till about a couple of years back. I wouldn't have been writing this piece if not for my parents.....but did I ask for that?
I didn't, hypothetically speaking, run to my parents and beg them to give birth to me(I know, it's  a paradox. This statement is, obviously, just for the sake of the argument.)
The meaning of ' being in debt' or ' owing' is that A asks B for something and B gives it to A, expecting to be given something in return. Since that didn't happen in this case, I don't owe them for giving birth to me.
 Now, I will say this and I am likely to do so again: I find the idea of nonexistence attractive. It's something that I have thought about, and discussed with many acquaintances. I just won't be here to endure the nastiness of life, which is a good thing.(don't worry, I am positive that I have not lost it.)
Anyway, getting back on track,what about the care, love, and protection they gave me during my upbringing?
Whenever one creates something or someone, he is inevitably and automatically burdened with the total responsibility of the latter. I consider it to be a law of the universe. If I drew a sketch, and it got torn, it is I who is responsible for it and if I fix the tear with an inch of clear tape, the sketch does not owe me, I was responsible for it all along. For every single act performed by me, every single aspect of my being and every single thought in my brain till i fully achieved the status of being capable of thinking logically and independently, my creators ie my parents are the ones who are more or less responsible. Even after that, as I advance through the stages of life, many things about me like my attitude, are partially, if not wholly connected to the influence of my parents.
Before my teen-years, my whims and fancies were entertained unconditionally by my parents. Then, I was neither capable of clearing the 'debt' nor did I understand the mere concept of it. I'm sure my parents didn't expect a child to pay them back and I don't recall a memory of them mentioning it.
I am not sure if I can term these acts as charity.

However, after I gained maturity and came into the possession of a reasonably good amount of knowledge about this subject, the requests I put forward to my parents, could be counted as favors.
Let's take for example, when I bought my XBOX 360.
That can be thought of as, me borrowing money from my parents to indulge in a little bit of luxury. They weren't obliged to purchase a gaming console for me...but they did. It wasn't their duty to do it, but they did it anyway. Looks like I need to get some cash...lots of cash.

What did I give my parents?
Probably the best thing I ever gave them was joy, right after I was born.
Let's twist the picture a little bit. If I need to repay them for all the moments of happiness, would I then have to repay them for times when they have hurt(not just physically)me?
I am of the opinion that couples have children for their own selfish reasons.(I know what you're thinking - boo!!!)
It's rarely because they want to present to the world a responsible and efficient individual, instead it's because they don't want to miss out on anything. They want to own a human who is fully dependent on them and experiment, just to see what happens.
That, or society compels them to have kids.
Some of you might think that I am being unfair to all the fathers and mothers out there, as I don't know what molding a life, really is.
Agreed, it's tough, but that doesn't solve anything.
Okay, back to the point.
I have all kinds of questions about it.
If I owe my parents everything, and someday I have children and they owe me everything, does that balance it out ? Does it end up becoming a vicious circle of pending debts and it all nullifies and nobody owes their parents anything?
Hell, I have another kickass argument which is the one that I truly believe in.
By giving birth to me into this life, this wicked and merciless hellhole, when I could have been enjoying, being nothing, haven't my parents committed an unpardonable deed and the greatest crime of all?  Don't they owe me exponentially more than they have and are indebted to me?
At this particular moment in time, being absolutely flabbergasted by the indecipherable mess of thoughts zooming through my brain, I open my laptop and watch an episode of True Detective and shortly after that, sleep.

In conclusion, I consider the relationship of a parent and his/her child to be the purest in existence. To pollute it with the superficial and narrow concepts of 'favors' and 'debt' would be wrong. If I were a theist, I would label it as a sin.
You owe nothing to your parents, unless you choose to. I, want to see mine, happy and healthy and I will do my utmost to ensure it, out of respect. This unique relationship should be marked by, mutual respect and trust.
So that, one doesn't have to look back to know that someone is there to support him.
I hope that the love I have received from my parents was just because they cared about me. I would like to believe that, a father's or a mother's compassion evolves from the instinct, to protect and provide for an offspring.

That is all.

11 comments:

  1. Very well written. I totally agree with you, as you have put things in a very logical way. Somehow I never realised that there can be this perspective too.
    keep writing!

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  2. yes, parents wanted a child. What makes it certain that the child wasn't the one who himself/herself when parents were making their choice ?
    So chill, may love guide your decisions and actions

    and yes, enjoying your writing. Thnx for sharing

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  3. its a good piece signifying hardly anything substantial . You have a good stock which should be used with considerable economy . the title of the blog is self-explanatory and you will know it yourselves after you pass through some formative years.

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  4. I liked it. I totally agree with you. Well written. Shabash. You have your own views. This article shows your deep thinking on such serious matter. The only truth in my opinion, is that if a kid received love, care and affection from his/her parents, he or she owes only that much to their parents. A child's body is the biological creation of its parents. Therefore the child has no right to inflict any harm on itself without the consent of the parents.

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  5. Agree. We don't owe our parents or children anything. Yet it is interesting that we feel their pains and their joys. Also that somehow we need them, always, no matter our age. They make us feel secure in an obscure kind of way. My thoughts are not too well formed on the topic as you can see.

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. Very well written. Just that you need not worry about the acceptance of your negative thoughts. You have a right to your expressions. Moreover theories change with time and age. So stop worrying. Just keep writing.

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  8. I enjoyed reading your views. Glad that you think so well and lucidly at such a young age. I am happier that you have managed to get a glimpse of how beautifully we have managed to con you youngsters!

    Don't let the older generation (wily ones, we indeed are) con you into thinking that you owe us anything. In fact we oldies owe you everything. Why?

    From time immemorial, parents have produced offsprings for no other purpose but to ensure their genetic continuation into future. Considering that we have a limited life span of a few decades, it is you folks who hold the promise of taking our genetic material forward in time. We live in our kids and a piece of us takes a small step towards immortality. All other explanations in millions of books are pure fiction! That is how nature works.

    If it all someone has to owe something, It is us who owe a special thanks to our kids for genetic continuation. On a non scientific note, another round of thanks for all the joy we managed to experience with the arrival of our kids.

    What I deeply appreciate about the piece is your ability to question the most fundamental axioms of existence. This curiosity and ability will take you a long way if you should ever choose the path of science.

    all the best

    shankar uncle (not so wily as you can see)

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  9. Not bad. The last few paragraphs are truly heart-warming and melt the frozen cold logical reasoning you wrote with in the beginning. Anyone who reads through the whole thing has nothing to complain about. I don't think why you should get any negative comments.

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  10. The only thing I disliked about it, though this comment being disagreeing to my previous one, was :
    The way you're making life sound like a pit made for the worst people as a punishment. That's not it. Life can be beautiful and horrible. It's a rollercoaster ride, there are ups and downs.
    And also, if you're talking about parenting instinct, consider snakes : They eat their own offspring.

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